After my near-life experience......

Like a Phoenix, rising from the asses........

Yes, by unpopular vote, I'm back to harass the citizens of our slice (or maybe something more like a scoop or clump) of heaven. Why not, the election is over, everyone is still screwed, and I'm saving up for my mandatory contribution to support the Madoff family minimum- security- long-term accomodations, and the octuplets that a recklessly insane doctor implanted into an equally insane Angelina-Jolie obsessed freak of a welfare mother,
who forgot just one part of the equation; the Brad Pitt-millions-of-dollars-movie-star-with money part, like duhhh.

Only in California folks....freaktown USA.....I've lived there, I know what I am talking about. Or how about the citizens of Cali getting no state tax return, cuz we ain't got no money in the controller's office....duhh. Yet they used millions to get new furniture in their offices. I am sure it makes Californians sleep better just knowing the controllers offices have new cubicles, they sure have helped them work better. I know I will!

My absolute fave is the hearing about the peanut butter.....I believe that they should have forced the CEO of that company to have a nice big bite of that putrid slop that he pronounced fit for human comsumption. (nine dead so far) He couldn't have pleaded the 5th with his mouth full! The best part would have been later on in the hearings, when he started uncontrollably crapping his pants.....mmm you've got your chocolate in my peanut butter!

Also, I'm thinking of not filing taxes this year by claiming that Alaska is a foreign country because America (those other states), doesn't recognize us on their web checkout pages, or shipping pages. Shoot, we're not even on the big 3 networks' weather forecast, we're the Bermuda Triangle of the Arctic. I think we should initiate our own trade tariff, free shipping for more expensive gasoline. Think about it,we keep raising all of their gas prices until they give us the free shipping and handling we deserve. If I get in trouble with IRS, no big deal cuz my old buddy Bama is going to overlook my minor indiscretions and give me a position in his cabinet! I've heard that tax fraud is a major prequalifying factor. How stupid of me, if I'd known all that, I would have started my fraud sooner, now I've got to catch up.

I think I'll buy some cool threads with that money, and have some campaign staffers go shopping for me. I mean really, for all that money, Sarah Palin looked damn good. In retrospect, what a huuuge boost to the economy. In contrast Michelle Obama's Inaugural gown looked like she stole her grandma's old chenille bedspread to wear to a toga party. That was of course after she borrowed grandma's old curtains to wear to the swearing-in. At least she saved the taxpayers by recycling. Bravo! maybe we'll start a whole generation of bedspread and curtain re-purposing, just like the vonTrapp family. The Hill is alive.............

Which brings me ultimately to the most important part of my musing, fashion.
Seriously, if the world economy is going in the shitter, one should definitely look one's best. Hey, all those designer duds are cheap right now, that $295 designer-simulated-crocodile thong with diamond accents is only $12.95, what a bargain! It's made in China, but so is everything. How fitting that I should wear it working off my $3,000,000,000,000.00 to China, since they will own all our fat asses, literally. I'll show you my stimulus package, if you show me yours.

Gosh it's good to be back