Arctic Brainfreeze

Neighbors, and other interesting animals.....

2009-08-07T12:05:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered what in the world people are thinking.....? or if they are thinking? or if they are people??

Maybe I've been watching too much scifi, but it seems to me that "they" have been behaving rather oddly.

Well, there's the two kids that I can only tell apart because one has a self-inflicted mohawk. They keep cutting through my backyard on their way to further adventures, and knocking on my door to rescue their boots that have gotten repeatedly stuck in the muck that is the larger part of my yard. Did I mention that this is usually at 8 am, or 10 pm? After much nice neighborly boot retrieval, I informed them that I will keep their boots as toll if they lose them here again.

Then there are the other ones who decide to come berry-picking....IN MY YARD !! Little kids, I would understand, but adults?? Come on people!! and there are berries everywhere else....hello.....

Ok, so I'm sitting outside, enjoying a cup of coffee yesterday evening with my hot lawn boy Antonio, when all of a sudden, SMASH!!! the sound of shattering glass and slamming door. I jumped and exclaimed "What the Heck!" or something like that, and Antonio says, "Shhhh it was the neighbor, he can hear you." What the heck, he can hear me, he should hear me, he threw a freakin glass bowl out in the road and smashed it everywhere! Moron!

I should probably mention that this is the same neighbor who smokes fish between our houses when the bears are out...I think he has a death wish. I might fulfill that wish for him, and possibly his wife's wishes too.

Then there are all the busy weekenders with construction projects at 8 in the morning on the weekend. I am tempted to rent a jack hammer for the weekend. Or take up playing the clarinet. Except I would have to get up early....hmmm.

In other news, my old Coastie neighbors that cast dirty looks at everyone who said hi to them, disappeared overnight, with no trace. We didn't even see them go. It was like an alien abduction. strange....

They have been replaced by the parents of the Mo and Nohawk brothers. They actually raised their hands in the earthling ritual greeting, and spoke words of peace. nice.

I think that this side of the street is under human control now, still not sure about the other side though. I am sure that some of them wear baseball caps to cover their antennae. Especially the idiot with the broken glass. He left it out there, so I decided to sweep it back over to his side of the street, conveniently locating it at the end of his driveway.

Maybe I'll bake him a Puschki pie later.....

It just dawned on me that it was full moon, maybe they're not aliens after all, but werewolves.

WOW, What happened???

2009-06-04T15:43:00.000-07:00

You ever had one of those deja vu moments...?..I am having one right now....for the 10th day in a row.

Maybe it's the way the weather forces us to its will....I know, I know, I could just defy it, and march outdoors in my summer clothes, and dare it to rain on me!! But I really don't want pneumonia again this year, it's getting old. The whole concept of enjoying oneself outdoors while it is raining eludes me. I have friends who actually claim to do this, but they're filthy liars who will be calling ME to bring THEM chicken soup later, the bastards.

I think the only good outdoor rain activity is sex. Yes, I said it, sex. It also happens to be a great indoor rain activity too.

Seriously, being on a camping trip, tent or camper or boat.....those are the times when being trapped inside because of the rain, etc.... is actually a lot of fun. And....you can always use the excuse of needing to keep warm if the other camper is shy. Hey, hypothermia is serious business, you wouldn't want to unnecessarily lose an appendage would you? Jus sayin.....

I'm thinking about making a burnt sacrifice to the Rain Gods, any suggestions?

Any public officials for this list? Come on, I know you guys are thinking about it......who would you sacrifice for a long term sun overload? There's got to be someone. I can think of someone special right now....no it's not my ex-husband this time, good guess though...but you can't burn trash without a permit. The Aztecs were onto something really good. I bet they didn't have any jails.

Howcome we only get road maintenance/upgrades when freakin' rockets and turbines come through town?

Is it just me, or is this the case? All kinds of money and asphalt flow like manna from heaven when infrastructure becomes necessary for a "project", but when basic maintenance or upgrades to service areas become imperative due to utter disrepair......well....hmmm....I dunno.....we'll see.... Don't take me wrong, I am happy for improvements, but I'm still hitting the same damn potholes every single day. Weird....

oh my god.....the sun just came out!!!

I'm stripping all my clothes off and running outside as we speak.....

Vitamin D here I come!!!!!

Volcanoes, Blizzards and Floods OH MY!!!!

2009-03-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

Good God, and I mean that sincerely, what have we done to deserve this? Ok, what haven't we done? Just when I get used to the idea of dealing with all the usual bull that is the normal part of living here in Shangri-la, it's volcano, blizzard, and flood week! And me without a thing to wear! OK God, so just a little warning would have been nice, I could have updated my wardrobe with a Hazmat suit, one of those cool Parkas they wear way up North, and some new hip waders. (the old ones have a hole, which I just found out the hard way). Unless, of course, your warning was the entire book of Revelations, in which case we are so screwed anyways. Pretty funny joke! ha ha hum.....

Have you ever tried to explain to anyone else in America (those other states) that the check is in the mail, but the volcano is causing delays...no??.... you should really try that....the incredulous silence is pretty funny. I like sending photos of Redoubt, Augustine, or any other ash spewing mountains to friends and family down there, with the tag line ......sorry about your birthday this year, but.......

On a more fun note, Fiddler on the Roof opens tonight! It should be a hoot. Lots of great local talent, and a great tech crew. There will be some serious fun going on in the auditorium tonight!

Well, I'm going to have to save my more venomous commentary for later, since I have to go slip into something uncomfortable for my trip outdoors......It looks nasty out there, and the wind has picked up. But never fear, I'm sure I have something bitter and biting to post later, perhaps an after-the-show critique?

Valentines my ass.....or whatever works.

2009-02-14T17:00:00.000-08:00

WELL, How many of us have heard the male whine of ......"All Valentines' Day represents is another attempt at commercializing a holiday, so I didn't want to support the globalization of a commercial holiday,or the depletion of the rain forest,blah, blah, blah.... so....I didn't get you anything, but I would like a piece of ass later, during which I will tell you I love you. Did they get a piece of ass....hell no. Were they so surprised, why yes.

You know, truthfully, I would be ok with that save the planet/human race plan.....if the male specimens actually showed this sentiment every day, just as many of them would like to have a meal cooked every day, or their children taken care of daily, or some other needs fulfilled on a daily basis. Then I honestly think most women, (but there are some bitches), would be ok with the revised Valentine plan. However, when you're not feeling the love the rest of the year, the bitterness builds, and all you have is maybe that one day where your beloved pulls his proverbial head out of his ass and makes you feel special. I know it's sad, but would you take away that one day, no matter how superficial it might seem? (Yes I did divorce him)

I think it boils down to men interpreting and expressing their love on a physical level, and women on a mental/emotional. I knew a man once who truly believed that if his dinner was not cooked and on the table, that the love was gone completely. He explained that this was how he knew he was loved. WOW! I thought it was the love letters, walks on the beach, hour long conversations about the future, giving birth to children and nurturing them....but no. It was the frequency of sex, consistency of dinner, and fresh pressed shirts that established his perception of being loved. (Yes I divorced him too)

Then along came the perfect (well almost anyways) man. One who really likes all those things guys like, hot sex, good food, clean clothes, but also confident enough to know that those things are the perks, but do not define a relationship. Maybe not all men have figured out yet that their soul must also be fed, or all women are as interchangeable as a portable pocket vagina. When a man appreciates a woman for all of her caring, nurturing, thoughtfulness, and shows her this, guys, you will get whatever you want. The woman will do anything (maybe not a threesome with her sister, Nick) to please you.

This morning I got up so sick, and my Valentine, brings me coffee and tries to make me feel better. Then the doorbell rings, and it's a flower delivery just for me. You know, as nice as the flowers are, the cup of coffee in bed meant so much more, and I had nothing to give in return. I had been so sick, and couldn't get out. I apologized profusely, said how bad I felt about not having a gift to give. He told me that it doesn't matter because he knows he is loved every single day. This is with no dinner on his horizon, no laundry done, and the prospect of hot sex very, very, distant.

This IS love. Or he's still holding out for hot sex, or both. It shouldn't really require that much to make someone feel cherished. Either way I feel happy, and I know who won't be needing that portable device. Happy V-Day, and pull your heads out before it's too late.

After my near-life experience......

2009-02-11T21:17:00.000-08:00

Like a Phoenix, rising from the asses........

Yes, by unpopular vote, I'm back to harass the citizens of our slice (or maybe something more like a scoop or clump) of heaven. Why not, the election is over, everyone is still screwed, and I'm saving up for my mandatory contribution to support the Madoff family minimum- security- long-term accomodations, and the octuplets that a recklessly insane doctor implanted into an equally insane Angelina-Jolie obsessed freak of a welfare mother,
who forgot just one part of the equation; the Brad Pitt-millions-of-dollars-movie-star-with money part, like duhhh.

Only in California folks....freaktown USA.....I've lived there, I know what I am talking about. Or how about the citizens of Cali getting no state tax return, cuz we ain't got no money in the controller's office....duhh. Yet they used millions to get new furniture in their offices. I am sure it makes Californians sleep better just knowing the controllers offices have new cubicles, they sure have helped them work better. I know I will!

My absolute fave is the hearing about the peanut butter.....I believe that they should have forced the CEO of that company to have a nice big bite of that putrid slop that he pronounced fit for human comsumption. (nine dead so far) He couldn't have pleaded the 5th with his mouth full! The best part would have been later on in the hearings, when he started uncontrollably crapping his pants.....mmm you've got your chocolate in my peanut butter!

Also, I'm thinking of not filing taxes this year by claiming that Alaska is a foreign country because America (those other states), doesn't recognize us on their web checkout pages, or shipping pages. Shoot, we're not even on the big 3 networks' weather forecast, we're the Bermuda Triangle of the Arctic. I think we should initiate our own trade tariff, free shipping for more expensive gasoline. Think about it,we keep raising all of their gas prices until they give us the free shipping and handling we deserve. If I get in trouble with IRS, no big deal cuz my old buddy Bama is going to overlook my minor indiscretions and give me a position in his cabinet! I've heard that tax fraud is a major prequalifying factor. How stupid of me, if I'd known all that, I would have started my fraud sooner, now I've got to catch up.

I think I'll buy some cool threads with that money, and have some campaign staffers go shopping for me. I mean really, for all that money, Sarah Palin looked damn good. In retrospect, what a huuuge boost to the economy. In contrast Michelle Obama's Inaugural gown looked like she stole her grandma's old chenille bedspread to wear to a toga party. That was of course after she borrowed grandma's old curtains to wear to the swearing-in. At least she saved the taxpayers by recycling. Bravo! maybe we'll start a whole generation of bedspread and curtain re-purposing, just like the vonTrapp family. The Hill is alive.............

Which brings me ultimately to the most important part of my musing, fashion.
Seriously, if the world economy is going in the shitter, one should definitely look one's best. Hey, all those designer duds are cheap right now, that $295 designer-simulated-crocodile thong with diamond accents is only $12.95, what a bargain! It's made in China, but so is everything. How fitting that I should wear it working off my $3,000,000,000,000.00 to China, since they will own all our fat asses, literally. I'll show you my stimulus package, if you show me yours.

Gosh it's good to be back

Daily Mirror sinks to all-time low......

2008-10-03T22:25:00.000-07:00

You know, they had me going, thinking wow, look at all these letters to the editor. ........and then....IT"S BAAACK ! Yes folks, my one and only fave, the rabid racist, and erstwhile child-hater, village idiot and bigot.....LORNA ARNDT!!

As I mentioned in my last post, I believe that our current energy problem could potentially be solved by placing her atop Pillar, and using her prolific oral powers to drive the turbines. She might also be the answer to our natural gas production.

She certainly has a gift though. The oratory of Hitler, propoganda of Goebbels, and the unbridled creativity of Mengele.

OOPS, I almost forgot, the sensitivity of Himmler.....

Mein Gott, how can the Fishrag publish this Hate-mail?? There were so many great/good letters and so diverse in opinion, yet polite, thoughtful, concerned. What ever happened to manners? They must not have taught them in the Gulag.

We are all worried about the economic future of our community and the education of our kids, grandkids, etc... but that includes everyone, all races, religions, etc.. And as long as people are legally here, earning their own money, paying their taxes, and investing in our community, I don't think anyone has the right to belittle or insult them or their lifestyle.

I don't hold it against Lorna that she is crazy either, as a matter of fact, I think that all the local minority groups should get together and create a product line for fundraising.. .I'm thinking Lorna Pinatas, Lorna Halloween Masks, and Lorna tainted apples. I think there is definitely a market here people!

I am wondering a little if all this child hate speech extends to her own offspring and their children, or are they exempt? I wonder if there will be a future municipal bond for a new mental facility? You know I'm voting for that one.

A Much Needed Blog Vacation

2008-09-29T11:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just need to get away and have Antonio the cabana boy cater to your every need............and then you come back and there's frost!! What the heck happened around here, last time I checked we didn't even have an actual recorded temperature of over 70 this year....!!Ay Dios mio.....

So you can't turn your back on the Rock for a second, and the winter chill is in the air, the roads look like downtown Baghdad, (take your pick, any roads), it takes 20 minutes to get to the other side of town, everybody is wearing Depends because they don't know which bank is folding next,(Wachovia is today's flavor), and Seniors (and others) are standing in line to sell their organs to finance the new High School, because they just might have lost their retirement with AIG, and have to rely on Social Security as their only source of income.

As far as prop.1 goes, I really don't think people need to know how much your kids earn, their private address, and have it posted on the internet. It sure puts a damper on who will run for local office. Save that for the big-time, statewide political positions. Does everybody really need to know that you are still paying off your car, your kids' braces, receiving child support, blood type, sexual orientation.......oops those last 2 were for eharmony......

Prop. 2, where do I start? The High School needs to be replaced...nuff said....but the Ms. T -we -all-have-to-suck-it-up mentality is ok if you are making 6 figures and just want to be on a board to improve your questionable image. (either candidate for school board has to be better, but my bet is on P.R.) There are alot of people making stone soup this year to survive, despite a record PFD. Check out Wall St. today. I'm buying stock in Depends, and razor blades, most will end up with one or the other.... Let's get a little more reassurance on the alternative funding people, because I'm either going to buy a woodstove, or permanently affix Lorna to the top of Pillar to power the turbines. One of my bills just has to go down for me to suck up some more taxes.(Pool, Police/Fire, etc....)

Shaking up the Assembly looks good too....it will be nice to have some new people to listen to....and some new ideas. Dave Kaplan will be a great fit in there. Besides, he'll definitely give me a reason to tune in and watch. We seriously had a crappy voter turn-out last time, 26%. You know it's bad when more people are in line at Taco Bell than at the polls. But that's Kodiak for you. Now if Ben had been at the polls offering free beer samples........a whole different scenario.

Personally, it's a sad day when there are so many empty seats for public offices, and that's how everyone loses their rights. You turn around, and suddenly there's a moron in office, and there goes the community. Come on people, get up off your butts, get involved, and go vote. Otherwise don't go crying to anyone else when you are taxed beyond your means, you have to give a stool sample to run for office, and are then represented by people that I wouldn't let baby-sit my dog, let alone decide on my children's education.

Where are you Antonio, I need you now more than ever......

You Go Girl !!

2008-08-29T14:21:00.000-07:00

Palin visiting troops in Iraq in July of 2007

Gimme a break already !! All this crying about everyone's absorption with Palin's nomination.... you guys crack me up, if you weren't interested, you wouldn't be blogging!! Is it reverse psychology or morbid fascination?

Well, let's just say I wouldn't want to be seeing Hillary's pantyline right now, it's probably gotta knot in it that would make a sailor proud. (not that I would ever really want to see that anyway)

I think that old codger (McCain, not to be confused with Hillary) definitely knows how to work it, and if this is his kind of governmental shake-up, I am going to have some serious fun blogging. And that's all that really matters right?

So, I love how there was this almost instantaneous sucker-punch from the Democratic side right when she finished the speech. " Her inexperience...." Let's see, it didn't stop their presidential nominee from being on the ticket. Last time I checked, she is the only one to have Executive experience of the two... and then there was the priceless nugget of "foreign policy" experience.

"I went to Iraq and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!"-Obama

You know, just going once, while/because you are in the race, does not constitute a policy. Palin went to Iraq, after being elected as Governor, which makes her the commander of our National Guard, to visit our troops. (Which, as I recall, Obama avoided) So the VP nominee maybe has equal or more clout, depending on personal perspective. Is that all they've got?

For myself, I would say I am a middle-of-the-road-swing-voter. I am undeclared, a voting enigma, but there is no way in Hades that I would have ever voted for the O'Billary ticket. It is an impossibility to vote for someone who would openly condone her husband publicly diddling anything with 2 legs that whispers "OHHH, Mr. President" in his ear. What else would be condonable? I can't respect someone who obviously doesn't respect themself or the integrity of their position.

I am also not really sure if I could turn my own personal business over to someone with only a couple years of actual work experience, let alone the running of my country.....

As I mentioned in a comment, the job qualifications bar has already been lowered by the Democratice nominee, so let's play limbo!!

Game On !!

JUST DO IT !!!!

2008-08-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

GET UP OFF YOUR KEISTER AND GO VOTE ! PUT DOWN THE COFFEE/BEER AND THE BURRITO SUPREME/EXTRA CRISPY KFC AND DO YOUR DUTY !

OR DON'T EVEN START BITCHING WHEN SOME WORTHLESS POLITICIAN BLOWS YOUR MONEY ON SOME STUPID VENTURE TO BENEFIT THEIR BIG MONEY/OUT OF TOWN SUPPORTERS !!

VOTE BY THE PEOPLE, OF THE PEOPLE. VOTE FOR THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE, WORK, RAISE FAMILIES HERE, AND DONATE THEIR TIME AND THEIR RESOURCES, OF THEIR OWN VOLITION, TO MAKE THIS COMMUNITY A BETTER PLACE FOR US ALL.

HOW MANY OF THOSE RUNNING CAN WE SAY THAT ABOUT ?? I HAVE NOT SEEN ANDY OR ALAN DOWNTOWN HELPING AND DONATING THEIR PERSONAL TIME TO THE COMMUNITY, NOR HAVE I SEEN THEM TALKING TO THE AVERAGE EVERYDAY JOE AND ANSWERING THEIR QUESTIONS.

THINK ABOUT IT, WHO'S GOT YOUR INTERESTS TRULY AT HEART.

VOTE DAVE KAPLAN, A MAN OF THE COMMUNITY, A MAN OF INTEGRITY,AND A MAN PERSONALLY DEDICATED TO SERVING AND REPRESENTING OUR COMMUNAL INTERESTS.

Yo Quiero Taco Hell

2008-08-25T16:46:00.000-07:00

Well folks, it's official, Taco Bell has arrived. (and KFC too) Call me crazy,(go ahead every body else does), but it is great to have more choices among the mediocrity of dining experiences available in our crazy little town. I am really hoping that the new Italian/Greek restaurant gives us at least one other option for decent dining besides the Powerhouse. Now if only they can cut down the wait to under one hour..... It was pretty fun sitting in the car and eating my Taco Supremes in front of the poor bastards in the drive-thru, good times.

Boy it sure is deliciously quiet in the hood with all those kids in school! Why can't they just stay there all year round? No seriously, they are pretty cute when they're asleep, it just would be nice if they hibernated for a larger portion of the year. Ahh....those big yellow busses, driving me to freedom.....

Seriously, everyone needs to get up off their butts and vote tomorrow. Remind your friends, and poison your enemies. (just a little) Remember there is no honor in losing. I think my other testicle just dropped.

I don't know about you, I'm voting for the Jew.

adios and shalom

The Davemobile is on the move !!

2008-08-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought is was safe on the streets......

well it was just another somewhat sunny summer day in Kodiak, and we thought we heard the ice cream truck, but no ! Much to our surprise another sweet white treat was rolling down the street. Wow, imagine a candidate for State House that actually goes out amongst the peasants. What a concept. The last time I had a politician come to the door was when Gabrielle was still a Democrat ! Let's just say it wasn't a sign she was pulling behind her. She didn't offer me any free pizza, and she didn't try using her Jedi Spanish lingo on me, so I guess I just wasn't interesting enough, although maybe it had something to do with my questions on the continuing funding of education..I guess I'll never know.

One thing I really appreciate about Dave, besides being easy on the eyes, is the fact that he has never used pictures of his dead relatives to curry the sympathy vote. Just seeing pictures of his live ones gets him my sympathy. I am just so glad that Lorna Arndt has been so passionate in her support of Dave. He really owes her a big wet one for this, with tongue.

So let's see...will I vote for arrogance and past non-performance, spineless attrition and 60% funding from outside interests, or someone who comes to my neighborhood to talk and answer the hard questions.... or we could just vote for best looking....

Either way, I bet none of you get published in the Fishrag before elections Tues., including Andy. If I were him, I would try to get on the radio, or consider a Viking funeral down at the harbor.

peace out

Arctic Brainfreeze

2008-08-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

Things just "Arndt" what they seem.....

You know, I seem to recall the Fishwrap requiring no personal attacks in their letters to the OZ.....oops I mean Editor. If any crazy can get published, why can't the rest of us? I have had letters passed by because of "lack of space", but apparently that must have included outer Space, since that is where a lot of their material seems to come from. (that and the AP).

Secondly, she surely would be amazed at how much at how much support she has garnered for Mr. K due to her verbal vomit. I mean, who are you going to vote for, a guy who stands for education, fisheries, clean elections, and economic stability, or a really nice guy endorsed by the village crazy. Gee, let me think about that.....poor Andy, he really has done nothing to deserve that sort of campaigning.

To top it all off...hey let's donate all our kid's PFD's for the new school! While we're at it, let's designate a portion of our PFD for Ms. A's ongoing mental health care. I actually would donate for that. I particularly enjoyed the part about enciting children to acts of vandalism on private property, and the previous comments on Senior brainwashing. (or was it waterboarding?)

Face it, few people can unilaterally offend all cross-sections of a community as adeptly as Mrs. A. It is truly a gift that the Fishwrap has recognized, and chosen to nurture, much like an Oprah orphan. Now that's Kodiak philanthropy for you.

Peace out.